The Dream

Darkness.

I am lying in my bed fast asleep. The clock outside my door ticks quietly, counting the slow hours until dawn. I am dreaming; see how I murmur in my sleep.

I am on the side of the highway in the dream, walking. It is dark and windy. Rain spits down from a leaden sky lost in the night. I trudge along with my collar up and my hands thrust deep in my pockets. My eyes are intent on the wet gravel, watching one foot splash down before the other. Thunder rumbles in the dark distance.

A car is coming up behind me. I can see my shadow stretching away in its headlights like a narrow phantom walking before me. The shadow runs away as the lights approach, hiding behind me as the car stops alongside. I saw my shadow stick its thumb out; I'm not sure if I did though.

The inside of the car is warm and dry after a long walk in miserable conditions. The driver is friendly and speaks cheerfully . I don't say much but that is fine for he seems content doing most of the talking. Houses blur by, windows alive with light, their owners safe from the storm passing outside. I look at them uncomprehending as they slide past; I don't understand anymore what life is all about. The flashes of passing headlights are like explosions on some distant battlefield. I am trapped in an idle war where once I lived in an ignorant peace. The reflection looking back from the glass is a stranger. I do not know the thin face and sad eyes. I turn away.

My hand withdraws something heavy and cold from my coat pocket and I study it in the glow of the dashboard. It was my grandfather's I've been told. He carried it in the Great War and brought it home as a memento. It is tarnished and old but I know that it will serve for what I need to do this night.

The driver has gone silent. He is looking at me strangely in the darkness. I can see fear in his eyes. Don't worry, I tell him. This isn't for you. Just a little further and I will leave.

He nods nervously and keeps his eyes locked on the road ahead. I watch the rain patter against the glass as the thunder rumbles and the houses pass.

He doesn't say anything when I get out at my destination. He drives away into the night leaving me alone with my thoughts. I start up the long driveway before me. The house ahead is dark and I wonder if He will be in bed. No, all of the houses are dark; the power has been knocked out by the storm.

I stop at the bottom of the front steps and stand uncertainly in the howling wind and rain. The trees groan as they sway furiously in the gale - brooding things trying to bend down to grasp me. I look up at their garish outlines against the darkened sky and shiver. As I hesitate, my shadow climbs the steps and knocks at the door. The blows are loud, like thunder in themselves.

The door opens. He is standing there, cowering back from the storm's fury. His mouth moves as he says something that is lost in the wind. The shadow is lifting my arm, the shadow is aiming, but, in the final instant, it is I that pulls the trigger.

The world comes undone in an instant. The thunder crashes as if the entire sky is collapsing. Lightning, brighter than imagining, explodes overhead illuminating the scene. I am blinded and deafened, yet, I see Him falling, hear His cry; watch His blood as it swirls away in the wash of rain.

Though He lies at my feet I cannot tell whom it is that has truly died this night.

I wake up with a start, staring wildly in the darkness. The roll of the thunder has woken me. Its angry rumble fades off into the distance and rain hisses on the roof. The nightmare has left me shivering.

I start to lie back when I realize that it is not fear that is chilling me but my clothes, which are soaking wet. Something cold and heavy is gripped in my right hand; I can hear it banging against the wall as I flail out for the light switch. With horror I look down at myself seeing that I lay fully clothed, wet and shivering, a tarnished revolver clutched in my hand...

The thunder crashes loudly outside as I stare at my shaking hands. Even over the fury of the storm I can hear my shadow giggle insanely as it slips restlessly about the room. I cannot blame it for what I have done. No one would believe me anyway for I do not even believe it myself. It was a crime of passion...a desperate attempt to stop the unbearable agony in my heart...the shadow has eaten away my mind...softly he tells me now what I must do...the gun has bullets left for me...I am sorry...

Darkness.