Hedley (15-08-07)

I give it a low grade for failing to tackle why sex in Christianity is generally seen as a sin...

StanTheCaddy (15-08-07)

This sexist diatribe purported to be just "looking at the psychology aspect" of premarital sex, but it did no such thing. The only facts given were about the physical aspects.

You implied throughout that women will suffer mental problems by indulging in premarital sex, but you provided nothing other than innuendo to back that up. The only thing that this essay proved is that you have serious issues with empowered women having sex with men who are not you.

SalBass (15-08-07)

I disagree with stanthecaddy completly. I learned alot about premature sex from this. You really sound like you know what your talking about!

steveoco (17-08-07)

You could probably put that up at kokshoor.com if it's your opinion.

Avocatore (07-09-07)

Hi Chieh/Juli.

I'd just like to suggest that, despite your opening paragraphs claiming objectivity, this essay is innately ideological. The use of the word 'premature' heavily implies how you feel about premarital sex, as does the word 'epidemic'. I won't share my opinions on the subject, because doubtless we'd disagree, but the presence of weighted or emotive language in an essay that purports to be balanced is a stylistic flaw.

If you're trying to form an argument - which is perfectly acceptable in an essay, then avoid using terms such as 'presumably'. It implies that you have little or no experience of the subject you are discussing (regardless of what that subject is). This again is weakness within the form.

I'd advise you to avoid ambiguous statements such as 'society itself'. The family unit is a society, as are the religious organisations you discuss very vaguelly. Society is formed of little societies, so yes, in a sense mixed messages are provided by 'society' - but that isn't quite what you meant. I'd suggest a more specific term, such as 'modern popular media', or somesuch.

Knowing what you are talking about is very different from having an opinion on what you are talking about.

Avocatore (07-09-07)

Adendum: I realise that there is a possibility that people will rate essays not on the basis of whether they are well written, but rather whether they agree with them or not.

This is not a well written essay.